Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
