My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You peed on a flamingo?!?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
