She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You made out with two different species that night
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
