Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
