I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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