Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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