Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
