I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
