Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
