why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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