Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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