It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
