ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
