Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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