i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
