Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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