i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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