Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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