This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
