I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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