you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
