i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
