He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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