I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
