Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Randomize
