Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I understand Curling. That high.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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