Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
