Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
of course. lets lasso hookers.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
