I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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