i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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