So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
