dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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