can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
