I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
