I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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