Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
