please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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