ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
