The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
