Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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