He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
