Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
me + whiskey = a bad person
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
