I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
