ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
