we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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