my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
