Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
