does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize