I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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