I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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