Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
