I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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