Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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