I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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