I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
