me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize