I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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