piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
