there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
