Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize