You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
