wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
