I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
