have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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