Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Non-Jews are for practice
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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