Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
