You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
