Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
