Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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