So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
