I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
