He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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