did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
