I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize