I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
