You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
